Couldn’t find these anywhere, and you all know what a bloody minefield searching for lyrics is, so here you go, I transcribed them for you. They’re written in normal English, you can translate into Cockney on the fly in your heads. Cheers.
Incidentally, I tried to do this transcription once in 1982, from a cassette I’d made off the Top 40 on Radio 1 on Sunday evening (on my brother’s Rotel, if memory serves). The recording was fine, and it had the usual snippet of the DJ after the song ended, “straight in at-” *clunk*, but I was unfamiliar with many of concepts discussed, such as “light and bitter”, Bermondsey, and “special hospitals. This lack of knowledge on my part meant a combination of those three in 1992 caused questions to be asked in Parliament. How was I to know?
Alexei Sayle – Ullo John! Gotta New Motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Your goat's made a mess of the carpet (x2)
He lost his bottle in Barnsley (x2)
He's an Avon Representative (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new motor? (x4)
Hahahahahahahaha motor, motor, motor, motor...
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
They put me in a special hospital (x2)
Is there life on Mars? (x2)
Is there life in Peckham? (x2)
What's that switch over there for? (x2)
Ah ah ah ah ow...ah ah ah ah ow
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
He can't half play the bongos (x2)
He's got a record by Billy Joel (x2)
Them locks are easy (x2)
Here's my calling card WALLOP (x2)
That's a piece of balsa (x2)
You can make a model out of that (x2)
He stuck his head in a dustbin (x2)
And then ran through the launderette (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
'Ere John do you like the suit here, eh eh it's a lovely suit innit?
'Ere wanna brown ale? (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Mine's a light and bitter (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new mot-AH ... AH ... AH
He works on the Thames Barrier (x2)
I keep tropical fish (x2)
In me underpants (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
He walks around with a hat on (x2)
(Spoken) Oh yeah our Rodney yeah, he's the intelligent one
He's in the police force
Very bright he is
Been to Miami? Lovely...Miami
Package tour in Miami
You can't get a light and bitter
You can't get a light and bitter in Miami though
You can get one in Bermondsey though!
That's a nice sound as well, Bermondsey
You can get a light and bitter, and it sounds nice
Light and bitter, that sounds nice, I'd like a light and bitter
Oh cheers thanks a lot
Oh nice one yeah
Alright what you having? What you having eh?
Pina Colada?
Lovely, here you must be sophisticated
Ullo-Ullo-Ullo-Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Ullo John! Gotta new motor?
Your goat's made a mess of the carpet (x2)
Ullo John! Gotta new motor? (x5)
(Spoken) Here that's a nice three piece suite
I like your music centre
Here got any Demis Roussos?
Oo I like him, Barry Manilow,
I think he's triffic
Oh I love him, I love Barry Manilow,
I go all weak, when I hear Barry Manilow I go all weak
7 responses to “The Lyrics To Alexei Sayle’s Hit Single, ‘Ullo John! Got A New Motor?”
Completely new to me. We only had snippets of his stuff over on this side. I read ‘Overtaken’ when it came out, though, which I remember as being brilliant, but now couldn’t tell you the first thing about it. Something about an accident. OK, the second thing, then…
Well, that’s lovely! But didn’t you kill my brother?
No? Must have been me then. Laugh? I nearly went to Ethiopia – second class of course. Do what as it happens.
I suppose the extended version was banned because it mentions the word ‘bollocks’. Or Cortina.
AMAZING SONG Is there life in peckham? I keep tropical fish, in me underpants, that’s a piece of balsa. Those are all I could remember. Thanks!
There’s also the other ‘clean’ version of this which says, ‘I’ve got a friend in the army’, ‘I’ve got a paper lampshade’ etc. Vive Le Sayle.
The b-side of the 12″ version replaced all the words with swearing, and it’s hilarious (google “ullo john etc part iv”). It’s just Alexei Sayle barking out non-stop obscenities in a cockney accent. NB you’d have trouble getting a light and bitter in Bermondsey nowadays.