I’ve made a terrifying discovery. Leafing through the 2007 UK IKEA catalogue or ‘Necronomicon’ as it shall henceforth be known, I found proof that Cthulhu no longer waits dreaming, but has arisen.
As you know, the blasphemous incantation or ritual chanted by noisome cults in the lesser-known parts of the world is, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn“. But using the latest in linguistic technology, I believe I have translated this language into something if not entirely pronounceable by the human throat, at least closer to this dimension. I should assure you that I worked on one syllable at a time, with several days feverish rest between each one, so as not to be driven mad by the awesome truth I was unfolding.
Here in it’s loathsome entirety is the full incantation. I know I should not write this, but I feel compelled, as if shapeless forces unseen but faintly felt, are driving me toward the precipice of human experience I know it will reveal.
Original: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu Ikea wgah’nagl fhtagn!