Hey There! Stretch That Face!

I can now exclusively reveal the secret techniques used by the acclaimed director of ‘Two’, Debbie Fowler, to enhance the volume and quality of the acting. The cast were goaded into performing these dehumanising actions, each night, behind closed doors, so the paying public cannot see the treatment many amateur actors are subjected to.

As found on a B*rger King tray liner during show week

Check the eyebrows!

This Yuletide, remember the fate of many amateur thespians, forced into performing degrading monkey-faces for a sniggering, pointing audience of crew and theatre staff. Just £1 will buy a bus ticket from Wimbledon to freedom. Thank you for your attention.