We Are The Goon Squad And We’re Coming To Town. Beep Beep.

Lots of reviews in this post – you may make notes if you wish.

In a hungover haze last Friday, I bought a CD compilation at the stall in Euston Station (The stall is called Impulse – this is because only impulse buyers would pay their prices) of ’80’s synth hits’ called Electric. It’s on Telstar, so you know it’s gotta be good. There’s a pretty scathing review of it here. It really isn’t much cop as a definitive selection of any genre, let alone new wave or electro. That said, there are quite a few good songs on here, and I must take issue with the reviewer who complains about 3 Thompson Twins songs being on it (Hold Me Now, Love On Your Side and the kewl You Take Me Up (which is about me, actually)). They are the only 3 TT tunes I like and I therefore don’t have to buy a separate TT compilation! Bingo! The version of Cars is a horribly mutated remix version, which I think was used for a lager commercial in the late 90’s. I think it prompted Gazza to perform on Top Of The Pops. Without his girdle, sadly. Stick to the sharp suits, Gary, leather is no longer an option.

Anyway, it does mean I can get rid of the horribly crackly lo-fi cassette copies of these tracks (copied from friends vinyl – Now That’s What I Call Music 3 or something).

p.s. Just to prove how backward the US is musically, they are on Now 13, while we are on Now 55! Catch up, America!

On the train the other day (8.10 from Streatham) I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt that read ‘FCUK SAYS RELAX’. I have to say it made me spit blood. Why don’t French Connection just fuck off?

It’s a bit depressing that what used to be a fun, independent thing – to take a readily recognizable trademark and change to an amusing or political slogan – has now been taken over by BIG BUSINESS. (in retrospect, it was probably always like this)

It used to be the thing around the late 80’s and early 90’s to take a brand of washing powder (or something) and use the design to your own ends. I remember the ones you could get: ‘Mild Green Fairy Liquid’ -> ‘Wild Green Fairly Hip Kid’, ‘Ford’ -> ‘Fuct’, the cover of ‘Run’ by New Order, Curve’s freezer logo etc etc.

Since then, I’ve seen FC doing IBM, and a couple of others. My question is, who buys this stuff? Do they think they are being original and/or amusing?

It just shows that the average High Street consumer has very little imagination, getting their amusing, original t-shirts produced en masse by a low grade fashion retailer (whose fortunes were turned around by TBWA, much in the same way as New Labour, and Channel Five).

It just makes me a little sad, that’s all. God knows I’m no fashion guru, model, or oil painting, but for flip’s sake, have some DIGNITY.

And of course it turns out that an independent t-shirt maker was threatened with legal action by French Connection for making a t-shirt with ‘cnut’ written on it. So he pointed out to the various TM’s they were ripping off, and since then, French Connection have lost 2.5 million quid! Har Har.

Another fashion thing I don’t approve of is this ‘fashion house makes copy of army surplus item and charges the Earth for it’ idea. But then that’s just me. And also the act of embroidering khaki should be stopped if possible. Ta.

Mustn’t whine too much, or I’d be in danger of becoming a Grumpy (not that) Old Man. If I was, I’d rather complain about stuff that mattered, like war and/or poverty. But then I wouldn’t be conforming to a stereotype, would I?

Thought so.