Cheekbones Akimbo

Went to see Underworld yesterday. “Buffy meets the Matrix”. Good fun for a Sunday afternoon, all told.

The gothic imagery is getting a bit cliched, but it looked great, the fight scenes were all very exciting, if a bit predictable in our post-Matrix world. Bill Nighy is good as the head vampire, although worryingly for him, he was recognisable long before he’d finished growing his flesh back. Kate Beckinsdale was brooding and driven, despite being a shite actress, but the character Michael could have been played by anyone. All he had to do was look confused, then scared, then angry. And he had to be built.

I was slightly disappointed by the results of the final injection, after the transformation looked so promising. He ended up looking like a orc (“Man-flesh!”)

A few plot questions were raised though. Why was Lucian so cultured? His “you must forgive my colleagues’ behaviour, they have no manners” didn’t really fit in.

Why wasn’t the blonde vampire given more of a part? She seemed to have a bit of Roman intrigue and Machiavellian maneuvering about her.

Mairi and I were discussing whether we’d like to be a vampire or a werewolf. Of course, in this film, the vamps were the usual elegant, black leather, lace and PVC-clad skinny types, and the werewolves were your basic bruisers.

I really don’t have the cheekbones to be a vampire, or the muscles for the other lot. Great, looks like I’m food for them both. “Bite Neil, he’s strawberry flavoured!“*.

And of course it’s been set up for a sequel or three. Or at least a cheap CG-enhanced TV series. Still, enjoyable enough. I have to ask, though, these dark rainy goth things wouldn’t work so well in Florida, would they?

*these idiots have managed to mis-transcribe The Young Ones – they’ve got Rick saying ‘coffee flavoured’. Fools.