I nearly called this post Pumping Irony, but that would have been shite. Instead, I’m making a reference to an early film starring the Governor of the united state I live in.
When I told Friend M that I was going to a gym, she responded
Gym??? Gym??????????? What ever next – nail bar?
Exactly how I felt about them. But as a result of certain photographs being published on the Web, I’ve joined a gym, and forked out for some sessions with a personal trainer. This is worrying. I don’t see myself asÂ the sort of person who goes to the gym. Yes, I know that lots of people go, and it’s a pretty normal thing to do, but it’s never been a consideration before. But I’m not getting any younger, and now that I’ve taken the plunge, it’s easy-ish to carry on.
My trainer, Andre, was very nice and understanding of my goals (goals?????? you see?), and helped me to figure out a routine to do each time, so now I go to the gym with a tatty bit of paper listing some medieval-sounding grips and tortures.
One of the reasons I didn’t feel comfortable about going to the gym was because of the people who are already there – I didn’t want a load of sporty types judging me. And it’s true that sport is the main vibe around there – the TVs in the locker room are usually tuned to the baseball. Either than or Fox News which is even worse.
The people in the gym are of lots of different types. I’m pleased to see that many of them look like me – or at least are there for the same reasons as me. But there are many men who I think go to the gym a bit too much, that as a result have a rather strange body shape – little skinny legs, low waistline, huge wide shoulders and arms. It don’t look natural.
Dylan Moran said in Monster that people go to the gym to attain their “ideal body”, but that they were very unimaginative. He said that his ideal body would have (paraquote)
… one eye – you probably only need one. Some kind of sucker instead of teeth because they just give you grief in the end. And a long long tube with my arse way over there so I don’t have to deal with it.
The main reason I joined a gym was the food. Not the gym food, obviously, that’s all protein bars and protein shakes and “that yellow stuff in tins“. No, American food. And not junk food either. The regular food, sandwiches, salads. The quality is higher, the quantity is higher, therefore the consumption is greater. I must watch that. Plus I’ve been going to many restaurants recently, good and bad. I own a ZagatsÂ guide for San Diego, and I use the little sticky markers. Is this some form of Becoming that I am experiencing?Â What ever next, indeed?