I need a haircut. This is my belief. I let it grow recently, so that I would be able to scrape it back in a sinister and greasy way for my portrayal of the Marquis de Sade.
Now it’s just too long (the fringe has reached the eyebrows), but Mairi doesn’t want me to just get it cut off because she doesn’t trust the “crappy £5 merchants” that I’ve been to in the past. So what do I do? I have promised to go to a ‘proper’ hairdresser, something I have never ever done before.
That’s OK, there’s a first time for everything. I think I can just about afford it, as long as I can find one I trust the look of, and that is able to give me an appointment next week.
Plus, I don’t know what I want the hairdresser to do. I would like it a little longer than I’ve had it recently, because people have been complimentary. Or at least they were, up until 2 weeks ago, when it just became too long.
Where does one find hairstyle inspiration? I look at my fellow travellers on the train, and they all have the same hair. OK, some have the horrible Hoxton Fin, despite it now being 2005. Others look like adverts for St-St-Studio Line. The odd one or two look like Link from The Legend of Zelda. The thing is, I want low maintenance. Very low maintenance. Out of bed, shower, dry, minimum hair product, out. Not through some Hugo “Make Your Own Rules” Boss BULLSHIT, but because I’m lazy. Plus I don’t like it straggling round my forehead.
I bought a copy of GQ magazine, in the hope that it would have pictures of cool-looking men with trendy clothes and hair I could copy. Sadly, there were only pictures of women, and men with ridiculous hair, and worse clothes. Lots of close-up pictures of watches and sunglasses though. Mairi suggested I buy Mens Health, but I was put off buying that by the big picture of a muscly man and the headline, “HOW TO HAVE IT OFF” or some similar sentiment. Not really my style.
So all told, this is a monstrous pain in the arse, but I promised, so I ought to go through with it. It will fail, I will hate it, and all will return to normal with the month. Good Bye. And Good Luck.