Monthly Archives: January 2004

More Birthday Cheer Than You Could Shake An Expensive Stick At

Nice drinks and meal in posh Primrose Hill last nice for my lovely friend Mira (see first comment). The day after, I felt not so much hungover as FLEECED BLIND by the loaded denizens of this area. How posh? The yobs were wearing real Burberry caps, not market knock-offs. That’s how much. Mmm. A super evening all told, Mira seemed very pleased with her new digital radio and everything.

Anyway, with the wonder of modern camera phones, we have this charming memento of the evening. I think it captures the mood splendidly.


Left to right: Your beloved chronicler, EJ in the heeeeoooowwse, Mairi (I think) and Matt 2. I think it was the second bottle that did it.

Parcelforce Are Shit At What They Do

Yes it’s a whinge. Bloody deal with it.

Here we fucking go again. Parcelforce, who are supposed to be delivering my broadband modem, have failed to do so for three days in a row.

Now M is currently off sick, so she is in and around the flat. But still it doesn’t arrive. I call Tiscali, sit in a queue for ages, they can’t do anything, because it’s the responsibility of the local depot. And surprise, surprise, the SW London depot is staffed by idiots and thieves.

And once again, the ‘system’ is to blame. Not just the computer part, but the procedures, training, policies and checks. All combine to make a stupid maze, in which the slightest wrong turn can ruin your chances of receiving whatever you bought.

And the private couriers are no better.

Ab Fab Script For Sale

In my capacity as ‘bloke who knows about computers’ in the Carlton Dramatic Society, I’ve been given the task of selling a gift that our President, June Whitfield, gave us last year.

It is a script for Absolutely Fabulous, Series D, Episode 1, ‘Parralox’, with the Bubble Webcam, Katy Grin selling carpets, and Patsy with Botox. It is dated 25 May 2001, and the episode was aired 31 August 2001.

The good bit is that is is signed by most of the cast:

  • Jennifer Saunders (twice!)
  • Joanna Lumley
  • June Whitfield
  • Julia Sawalha
  • Jane Horrocks
  • Helen Lederer
  • Naoko Mori
  • Sally-Ann Hayward
  • Bob Barrett
  • And 1 other (illegible)

So, I went trawling around the web to find out whether people would be interested. I was led into the murky world of fansites… Tripod, Geocities, Lycos, redexes, background images, background midis, marquees, blink tags, I’ve seen it all. OMG.

Anyway, if anyone out there wants to buy this thing, it’ll be on Ebay soon, hopefully.

Forthcoming Attractions

The holidays are over and it’s time to get back into rehearsals. “Rehearsals for what?”, I hear you cry. I’m glad you asked me that.

The rehearsals are for the Carlton 2004 Workshops, a series of short plays, sketches, sometimes songs, put on in Wimbledon by the Carlton Dramatic Society.

It’s a great chance for people to try new stuff out, things they’ve written, or to try their hand at directing something compact.

I myself am involved with four bits, as follows.

2 sketches by the inimitable Fry and Laurie, with me as a doctor, and also as a headmaster. A cameo as another doctor at the end of an original monologue. And last but not least, the seething lust and rampant jealousy on show in August Strindbergs Miss Julie. I play Jean, the valet, determined to seduce the daughter of his Master, and use her to claw his way out of the class into which he was born. And the cunning part? Make her think she was doing the seducing.

A busy night, with many costume changes, and fun for some of the family.

DooM 3

Good lord, I remember getting excited about Doom coming out – nearly 10 years ago! And now it seems Doom 3 is on its way. And it looks incredible, I must say. OK, I’m no expert, but I have followed games since, well, since 1980. Never owned many, but I’ve been interested. Doom was really immersive, which seems incredible now. Doom 3 looks like a movie!

To help with this gaming business, I’ve Tiscali broadband on order – ADSL, good deal, modem’s in the post. Then we’ll get UT2003 and head out for some action!

In the meantime, ISketch will have to do…

Post Xmas Lulllllll

Well, we’re well and truly back in the swing of the saddle now, and the daily trip to Lovely Euston is back.

S’pose I’ll tell you about Christmas. Well, Mairi and I zipped up to Bedford (the family seat) in car, with Xmas hits blasting from the stereo, and a boot full of presents. Nothing like the North Circular with a bit of the Waitresses! We were like Santa himself, but with a Fiat Punto instead of a sleigh, and 1.2 litres of raw power instead of reindeer. Once there, we had a most enjoyable, if sedentary, time. Had Christmas lunch at M’s sister’s, which was fantastic, enormous plates of nosh all round.

Then, just to help with the digestion process, we played one of these Dance Dance Revolution style games on the PS2, which was pretty funny after a few glasses of Merlot. (can I just say I got the High Score? Thanks.)

Then Boxing Day to my brother’s with more delicious grub, more fun and games, more booze and more dancing to ‘It’s Like That’ by Run DMC on a mat in front of a PS2. (Another High Score…)

Later on, there was another meal at my Dad’s, which M and I got to in time to enjoy some dessert and a couple of beers. At this house, I was shown how to get the rocket car in the Simpsons (it’s fast, but fragile). Those PS2’s get everywhere!

Then back to gorgeous scenic intellectual Streatham, to find that the flat hadn’t been broken into. That is newsworthy, trust me.

A couple of days of relaxing and drumming on the taut belly-skin, then New Year at Balham’s Bedford pub, for the Banana Cabaret comedy night. That was a good night, 4 comedians, good food, too much beer, silly dancing, indoor fireworks, and finally walking to the car (M was driving, don’t worry yourselves) in the horizontal rain. What a way to see 2004 in! Actually all I saw of Jan 1st 2004 was the underside of my duvet.

Cold Comfort Mountain

Went to see ‘Cold Mountain’ at the glorious Wimbledon Odious, sorry Odeon. Ha ha. Well, what can we say. It was an epic. That is, very long. And it was set in the Southern US, which has a distinct accent.This gave rise to some problems. Jude Law just about managed to hold the accent steady, Nicole Kidman had a bit of trouble, but Ray Winstone can put another feather in his cap – another accent dismembered and twisted to gruesome death in his name.

I thought the mangled cockney/bbc/royalty stew he gave us in Henry VIII was bad, but this had Mairi and I giggling in our seats.

Apart from that, the film did rather suffer from a lack of chemistry. Jude and Nicole had very little to work with to make us sympathetic before they were split asunder, which made the whole story somewhat moot.

Will he get home? Will they still love each other? Can’t say I really gave a monkeys. Serves me right for seeing a film by the director of The English Patient.

Chiz Moan Drone

I have been told by a friend that this stuff is ‘a bit ranty’. Well, I shall endeavour to change this. Posting more often would help I guess. Considering he’s the only person reading it, I’d best.

So here goes. Today is a lovely January London day. “No such thing!”. A voice.

Well, there’s a tiny bit of blue sky behind the dishrag clouds, it’s not raining (but it has been), the wind is fresh rather than biting, and my jacket and hat are warm. I have to say it rather gave me a spring in my step.

Something which I rather regretted because no sooner had I sprung a bit, yesterday’s badminton came to haunt me, and I had to go back to pained hobbling. Matt beat me 2-1 again – I will have my revenge*!

 *pronounced ‘rewengy’